Friday, May 22, 2009

We Fear Change

When I was a wee punk rock lad of 19, things were different. Crust punks were skinny, not huge. (Jaime: "Maybe it's a west coast thing? Like the big raccoons?") Punk rock clothing was random and optional, not available in malls, and emo meant intense screamy music for hardcore kids.

At some point, this changed. I was in the University District today. Which, as I have written before, one should never do. But, this was for Pizza Pi, so it was worth it. It was for Italian Melt Sammichs, so definitely worth it. So, in addition to vegan yumminess, we encountered the giant gutter punks. (Which, now that I think of it, may have a lot to do with Pizza Pi...) And we saw the usual gaggle of fashion shows, from generic hippie ("Peace Love and Wander About Aimlessly!") to the increasingly frustrating "emo" kid.

I admit, I fear and hate change. So, when it comes to the metamorphosis of the term emo to mean pasty semi-goth kids with horrible indie rock and dagger sharp hair, I am angered and nauseated. I think I may have vomited in rage.

Why did this term escape us? How did they get their pudgy little hands on it? Who lets them out of the house looking like that?

I'll accept some stuff as my fault. Straight edge was all righteous rage, that turned into strange gangsta hoodlum-core. Okay, we could have seen that coming. Anarcho-primitivist earth firsters were self-righteous suburban kids on activist vacations, we could have guessed they would have flown off to the post-apocalyptic Mad Max gatherings in Oregon. We struck out there. But the emo thing? That was insanely unexpected. (Okay the chubby crust kids kinda gets me too.)

I think there has been a conspiracy. Some CIA guy way down on the totem pole infiltrated the hardcore scene, decided he was mad at his superiors, then started this crazy project with his buddies in the goth and indie rock divisions. They concocted it all, and since it was the Bush years, no one was paying any attention to the intelligence community. Now they are assigned to another department, and we are stuck with Fall Out Boy.

If Obama unearths this and ships every guy with a flop to Guantanamo, I'm voting for him.

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