I often write about how kids are funny. They are. The sincerity and inexperience blend perfectly, and they make people laugh who pay any attention to them at all. Today I discovered the perfect straight man to the comedy child: the monkey.
Viri grabbed a plush monkey toy as he passed me, and nonchalantly began the greatest two minute run in history. I couldn't capture it fully, but I grabbed a pen and took notes. The rough highlights alone are a template to a brilliant comedy album.
Poor baby. Aw my monkey's hurt. I'm taking my monkey on the spaceship. Look at my monkey! Trying to escape... Go on, monkey. My monkey's trying to hold my hand. Why are you holding my hand monkey? Monkey no! Don't bonk my monkey.
I have no idea what was going on in his head, this all happened in a few short minutes as he paced around the room. Then he dropped the monkey toy and ran off.
I can't even pick my favorite from these lines. It's like trying to retell a Pryor joke. Every bit is gold, and the telling is such a crucial part of it. If I could master "Go on, monkey" in Viri's voice, there would be no need for me to ever tell a joke again. That would get laugh after laugh long after I was gone.
Don't bonk my monkey.