My longest running joke is that I'm always waiting for Jaime. It's funny because it's true, in a sense. It's also funny because it distorts the reality of the situation. I'm always waiting for J because I don't have any interest in anything else. I occupy my time, I have fun. But except for J and my kids, I'm not really enthusiastic for anything else.
I like caring for kids, I enjoy acupuncture. I like a lot of things, really. They can all go away, however, without me being terribly concerned. If J told me tomorrow, okay, this is the deal, you need to do X, I would do X. My life has been about defining moments until I can be there for Jaime. I have a lot of freedom, certainly, and I used that. But even my wildest exploits have been related to Jaime, and made real for me through her. Even my secrets, silly as they are, are stories that are waiting for Jaime. And I have no real secrets; I'm not that kind of person.
I can't decide where I want to live, because I don't really care. I have opinions, of course, and I have things I would like. I'd like good vegan food, decent coffee, mountains and sea. But once again if J said we need to move to X, then I would be fine moving. On a scale of one to ten, J's needs are a ten and everything else except my kids are a two.
I was worried about this for the longest time. I tried to throw myself into projects to really find myself. I think it was when Arkaedi Sue was born(gratuitous Pretty picture!) that I finally accepted this. I wanted to be with Jaime, and marry her. I did that. Now, I'm enjoying the world, enjoying my life. I do my zekr and play with my kids. I'm happy. I don't need anything else.
Sure, if you want to send me a new Harley, or season tickets to the Mariners, I'll take them. I'll enjoy them. But I'll ride home from the game to see my family.
(By the way, do send those things. I'll pay postage.)
I don't think people see life the way that I do in this regard. Honestly, I'd bet many people reading this think I'm insane, or boring, or both. I tried to see the world differently for quite a few years. I can't. I think, at the risk of sinking ever deeper into cliche, that we come to terms with our nature at some point if we wish to really function in the world as people. I came to terms with it. I was a born husband. In a different world I'd be the one sitting by the door, drinking tea, serving as bodyguard to my priestess while she tends to her flock. Wait, no that's this world. That's now.
(For the record, I am both insane and boring. I am one of few who have accomplished this, another being Oliver Stone.)