End of the Year Recollections

The year is over. Pretty much. A nutty one here in Seattle for us, with moving and changes and planning of our future. 2009 will be the year of the Big Step, the beginning of our practice and our career, in essence. I'm excited and scared. Jaime is getting prepared, which is intense. I imagine if I were married to Eisenhower during the ramp up to the invasion of Europe, it would be startlingly similar to this. (Well, Jaime has nicer hair.)

This was the year of Arkaedi, in many ways. Jaime took off the winter quarter to care for her, Taviri had to adjust to the new baby. It was a tough couple of months, certainly, for everyone. Now that she's a year old, everything seems like less work. My job has gotten easy. I joke that Arkaedi was for me, that I needed her. It isn't really a joke, though. Something about her makes my life make sense. Taviri is my project for the world. I named him after someone who went out into the world and changed it, and that is his destiny. He doesn't even feel like my son, he feels like a little warrior waiting for his tribe. I'm the caretaker who hands him over to the tribe when they show up. I can see the movie version now; the actor who plays me better have a great beard.

Arkaedi, though, is for us. It just feels like she is going to be present in a way that Viri won't have the time and opportunity to be. Of course this may be totally wrong, it's just my impression of them as small children. I'm not writing his biography or anything. But you do get a sense from little ones, even children who I work with at the daycare. I'm curious, looking back after a few decades, how accurate my impressions will prove to be.

I'm excited about 2009. We have a collapsing economy, a new president. I'm starting an enormous undertaking, with my typical optimistic zeal.

Jaime and I like to play a numbers game with events like holidays and important dates. We play "which number is this?"

This is my 32rd New Year, counting the one when I was two months old. My 16th New Year with Jaime. My 4th as a father. It's funny when you put down simply like that. I have now spent half of the New Years in my entire life with Jaime.

Happy New Year 2009, everyone. Enjoy the year of the ox.

You Have To Do A Better Job

Seriously, say what you want about President-elect Obama... this is a pretty low bar.

Get a Truck With Brakes!

Last night was a crazy one, a typical sick child insane evening. Taviri woke everyone up in the middle of the night vomiting and angry, and we had to clean and console and heal. I got the good end of the deal: me and Arkaedi holed up in the office with one of my favorite MST3Ks, "Space Children." She fell quickly asleep and I watched a fun film with strange children possessed by a benevolent space blob.

This movie has one of my favorite examples of poor communication in film history. There is a scene where the children have magically disabled a truck, and the driver starts to lose control. The passenger yells, "Stop it!" in an annoyed voice as the driver starts to crash. Not helpful, my friend.

Servo helpfully points out, "Next time get a truck with brakes!" This has become an oft repeated phrase between Jaime and I. We have observed that a lot of fights begin with a 'get a truck with brakes' statement. So many fights between couples start with frustration that is not totally warranted. When you get mad at someone for doing something accidently, or mostly out of their control, you don't really solve anything, just make them feel bad on top of the initial mistake. Sure, in hindsight there are things that could have been done differently, care could have been taken that maybe wasn't, but in the moment it seemed sensible. I warn my friends sometimes to think for a second before being angry. Holding my tongue before shouting 'get a truck with brakes' has saved me a ton of little arguments in my life.
It's odd where you get little life skills that serve a person well. Strange as it is, this silly movie gave me insight into communication that has yielded tangible results in my relationship with Jaime, and probably others. Sure I still sometimes make these statements, but I make an effort to think before I speak in a way I didn't before seeing the film.

(I'm particularly bad about after the fact "be carefuls," which are really only a passive aggressive "get a truck with brakes." I'm working on it.)

I haven't worked out how else a benevolent space blob can better my life, but if I do I'll write about it.

After the Snow

We've finally returned to real Seattle weather here: Mid-40s, overcast, the snow on the ground all but disappeared. Feels good to be back to normal.

We could travel over to the PCC Co-op and grab a nice field roast bbq sandwich and a pint of vegan potato salad. All is well with the world.

I enjoy the holidays, and I enjoy snow. But I'm happy to return to my normal crazy schedule as well. Jaime and I have developed a fun west coast/ big city system in the past few years, and I've grown accustomed to it. I love Seattle, I really do. But there are some fun/silly/annoying aspects. I'm guilty of some of this myself. I wouldn't be a true Seattle-ite if I weren't.

The three secrets of being a west coast big city person, or WCBC for short:

1. Care about food. You don't have to be vegan or eat all organic. In fact, an occasional burger at Johnny Rocket's helps you, because it highlights your otherwise organic lifestyle. I talk about food more than anything else.

2. Complain about your city. This can be weather, growth, traffic or city planning. Preferably all three.

3. Revile the Democrats, but vote for them. (Bonus points if you worry about Obama selling you out before he is even in office while sporting an Obama sticker on your car.)

But I kid you, Seattle! You're a fine old town. Put in a decent light rail system and I'll be yours forever.

Christmas Dinner and Assorted Fun

We had a wonderful Christmas day, with friends and children and fun. Jaime made a feast, there was food and chocolate galore... a delightful and festive day.

I understand why some people don't get into the holiday season. It's been shaped and co-opted by state and religion and corporate entity, it's mixed up and silly and sometimes depressing. But my Christmas day reminded me of why I do enjoy it, and have enjoyed it thoroughly since Jaime and I got together: it's a day off with friends and family, where we can all get together and have a good time.

This year we didn't exchange any gifts, and we didn't buy anyone anything. We just gave away a little food and invited people over to eat. We had a buffet of goodies, a noisy room of children with runny noses, and our company. Except for the runny noses, everyone enjoyed it.

We had our first experience of assembling toys for Christmas morning. I imagine I'll grow tired of it, but I really had fun with it this year. I plan on enjoying the childhood Christmas with my kids, and when they get too old Jaime and I will holiday in New York City. When the kids get too old, it's nice restaurants and room service for Christmas. Until then, I'm happy to play Santa.

Today we're gathering donations together for Boxing Day. I'm thinning my bookshelves, and we're donating a lot of strange reading and clothing to needy people in Seattle. I hope they like philosophy and science fiction. And little girl baby clothes.

Free Time for the Holidays

I imagine this person has space in his life for silly projects. God love him for it.

Dark Knight of the Soul

I finally got around to watching this summer's Dark Knight. It was interesting. Certainly well crafted. I have a soft spot in my heart for Batman, since he played a large part in my development for a fictional character. The movie was good, a little difficult to watch and (no pun intended of course) dark, but well written and acted.

The movie is very much The Joker Show, with special guest Batman. Which is fine, and as I said the well put together film gets a huge break for style. Heath Ledger generated a lot of interest with his performance here, and his death made a media circus out of the film. He does do a fine job, and is creepy as hell as the villain. This is the real strength of the film. The Joker is a great opponent for Batman, cruel and crazy and chaotic. It's always a mistake to make him fun or amusing. Clowns aren't funny to anyone not already psychotic. Clowns are evil and dark and sad. If we laugh at all, it's because we're relieved that we aren't anything like them.

Batman attempts to bring some kind of order and justice to the world, and the Joker delights in madness. A strange and awful version of the prisoner's dilemma is especially interesting. The message of the story is that while we get weak and afraid, we don't always lose what makes us people. We may laugh at the clown in relief, but we aren't willing to don the make-up and throw pies.

The plots of the Joker are evil and interesting. He goes a little overboard with the planning, however. The fear mongering tactics of the Joker are a weak point of the film, I think. (How many times does he pretend to be a police officer? Thirty?) One thing that diminishes fear is exposure. Look at how few of us have nightmares about Dick Cheney now. In 2001, he was terror incarnate.

The film does a good job with the mythos of Batman. Batman is the hero that can solve our problems by being outside of the system. He chases down bad guys without worrying about courts or lawyers. The character works because while we want to trust the system, most of us know we can't always or even usually rely upon it to work. When the villain is buying off judges, it's nice to know there's a good guy who will punch him in the face. Making Bruce Wayne a billionaire is more than just a convenient way to alleviate worries about the price of gas for the Batmobile; it makes him immune to the kind of worries that more mundane civil servants have. He has a yacht and his own jet, what are you going to bribe him with?

I don't think I'll watch this film again. It's hard to stomach the meanness and cruelty beyond the first viewing. But it's an interesting movie to see, especially at night by myself. Nothing like a dark cold evening pondering the meaning of morality! I couldn't help thinking of the Joker's message of "there is nothing in the world but randomness" as a spiritual challenge. Seeing the meaning in life is the job of decent people, and the underlying order and beauty of the world are visible to those not blinded by their own image. Fittingly, the Joker makes everyone in his image: his henchmen and victims are copies of him. The ultimate narcissist is our villain. And the Batman fights him, but not as his opposite. His opposite is Jim Gordon, the family man, who cares about everyone more than himself.

Batman gets all the credit though.

ps. I have a new nephew today! An awesome little boy without any red hair at all, for which his parents are grateful.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Social Statement

As a follow-up to my post on Charlie Brown's insane christmas special, here is a quick run down of the Rankin/Bass Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. This has always been a favorite of mine, for various reasons. Rankin/Bass figure prominently in my childhood, having done the wonderful animated version of The Hobbit that has brought joy for as long as I can remember. And this story is so odd and delightful, with funny stop motion animation and disturbing character voices that stick with you long after you forget the other aspects of the story.

(Hermey the Misfit Elf is particularly odd-- an effeminate elf outcast for his preferences? Really? Okay it is 1964, a more innocent age perhaps. But are they trying to say something with this?)

One thing that really struck me as a child still is very much evident as you watch the show today: Every male character is a jerk. Rudolph's father shuns him, Santa mocks him, the coach of the reindeer games actively encourages the other reindeer to exclude Rudolph. The women fare better, at least. Although they are pretty excluded from the Christmastown power structure. Santa calls Donner's wife "Mrs. Donner." Mrs. Clause is of course basically unseen, except when trying to get Santa to eat. (Does she have a first name either?)

There is Clarice, Rudolph's girlfriend. She's nice from the start, though I'm wondering why as I watch it now. Is she trying to get at her parents? Why does she instantly fall for the oddball? I understand not mocking him or shunning him, but love at first sight? Maybe she's just a friendly doe.

The real cultural high point of this is the Island of Misfit Toys. It gets better every time I see the show. It's so dark and funny and sad. Some of the things are not even the toy's fault. A water pistol that shoots jelly? Just don't put jelly in it, kid! It's no one's fault but yours! The high craziness is definitely saved for the island. The king is a flying lion (?) named Moonracer. Wow. I mean I was not raised in an incredibly pop culture savvy household. Christmas involved Santa, assorted elfs, reindeer... the Christian aspect had Mary and Jesus and wise men. Flying Lion King Moonracer did not factor in anywhere. God bless you, though, Rankin/Bass!

Yukon Cornelius carries a six shooter throughout the show as well. I loved that.

As always the best thing about these sixties cartoons is the random dialogue scattered throughout the show:

"I'm off to get my life sustaining supplies: Cornmeal, gunpowder, hamhocks and guitar strings." (I'm sure my grandfather used to say that.)

"No! This is man's work!"

"That silly elf song is driving me crazy!"

"I don't have any dreams left to dream."

"Rudolph existed as best he could."

"They realized the best thing to do was to get the women back to Christmastown." (I will say this to Viri in reference to Jaime and Arkaedi every chance I get from now on.)

This is the day to be in watching cartoons, too. It is winter death storm outside.

We're loving it. It's rare we get a snow in Seattle. I'm glad it's here. I'm also glad, however, that it's rare.

Have a Medicated Christmas, Charlie Brown!

Viri and I enjoyed watching Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown today. He was a little confused by it, and well he should be.

I'm not sure if Charles Schulz himself was insane, or merely chronicling the adventures of a group of insane children and a dog with human characteristics. But oh boy is the cartoon crazy. The basic story is familiar to everyone in my generation, I imagine: Charlie Brown is outcast and unloved, but after hearing the true meaning of Christmas from Linus, the children band together, shun him slightly less, and sing. The message is that even though Christmas has become commercial, it's still nice. Oddly, the only example of commercialism pointed out is the fact that Snoopy decorated his house. I don't think commercial means what you think it means, Chuck.

Linus has his problems too, of course. He carries a blankie everywhere, sucks his thumb, and is deathly afraid of Sally, all in spite of the fact that he appears to be ten years old. A ten year old with a blankie? That's pathological. He does do a good rendition of the nativity story. He's a savant of some kind.

Which leads me to wonder: Can Snoopy really ice skate and dance and decorate his house, or do the mad children of this town imagine it? It certainly appears possible.

Still, this is a really fun cartoon to watch. The quotes alone are worth the time.

"All I want is my fair share. All I want is what's coming to me."

"We all know Christmas is a big commercial racket. It's run by a big east coast syndicate, you know."

"I just don't feel what I'm supposed to feel."

"Boy are you stupid, Charlie Brown."

The insanity even extends to the end credits, where a dozen or so people are credited with "graphic blandishment." Excuse me? Did you just make up a credit?

One of the things I love about the holidays is this kind of cultural phenomenon. I genuinely enjoy it, and I think a lot of people my age do too. But there is no denying its bizarre, fragmented themes or existential meandering. I wonder what it is that got this kind of thing made in the mid-sixties? And why did we enjoy it?

For me and other people born after the sixties, maybe it's simply a nostalgic connection to the first half of the century. Or maybe the themes resonate somewhere in our own crazy minds that imagine dancing, decorating dogs who fetishize World War One.

I hope it's nostalgia.

Ryan's Ability to Enjoy Everything

It really is amazing how much fun I had with this. Check out the lamp falling on him towards the end; low comedy done beautifully, that's the Muppets.
I hope my kids can find pleasure in life with little things, it's a nice skill. I credit my mother for instilling a sense of wonder and joy. Thanks mama.

Snow Like It's Back East

Today we really had a crazy snowfall. The biggest I've seen since I moved to Seattle. We got the kids bundled up and walked around the neighborhood with Cathy and Joel and Gabri.

It was a wonderful day. Everyone was out, there were few cars. Once again events like these remind me of how amazing a community can be when we aren't all isolated in little boxes. Cars and suburban fortress housing have removed us from each other. When we all get out on the street and interact, it's amazing. Of course a lot of the goodwill was a factor of time off work and the rarity of a real snowfall in Seattle; but the walkability and general feel of the neighborhood made it a great day for most of my Greenwood compatriots.

The insane idealist part of me dreams of a city with arterial streets for limited car traffic, major streetcar and bus traffic, light rail scattered through the city, and neighborhood streets for pedestrians only. Cities would be connected with safe and reasonably affordable railway systems. And of course there'd be blimps. I'm not sure how economical or sustainable blimp travel is, or whether it makes any sense at all as a transportation option. But, you know. Blimps would be fun.

I know I said it was crazy.

Viri was less enthused about the weather than us. He does not tolerate the cold well. But once we got to the house and started chatting and watching the snow fall, he got into the spirit. Arkaedi responded as usual with babbles and wiggles. She's a trooper. Some strong northern European stock in this girl, she does not mind the cold. Somehow my son is designed for the tropics. When the temperature dips below 60 he complains it's too cold. Of course his insistence on wearing rain boots in the snow may be a part of the problem. At least his totoro hat will protect him from the icy winds.

Parents Discover "Free Time" Not a Myth

The rare double nap, much sought after by parents of two small children, has occurred. I'm playing on the computer and Jaime is cleaning. That says a lot about us, I think. I enjoy our life very much, and I am grateful for this chance to be a family, and have small kids. Still, we're busy enough that an hour to ourselves feels good.

With the cold and snow and time off, it really does feel like the holidays.

The next week will be much cleaning and cooking, I'm guessing. I'm trying to convince J to have a never-ending spread of chocolate treats in the house. I may actually win this one, too. She seems amenable at least. One secret of long and happy marriages is keep the husband stuffed with food. She's good at that.

I wonder what it will be like in a few years when we do have time to ourselves again on a regular basis. It's going to be strange to suddenly have an unscheduled day from time to time. Of course careers and social events that have been put on the back burner will get higher priority. But judging from how my life was before, it'll be a lighter workload than now.

I hear the fussing of the Viri now. He does not wake up well. Next to me Arkaedi is babbling and laughing. She wakes up better than her brother. "Prah! Buh Prah," she says. I think that's Arkaedi speak for "Let's get to playin, Papa!"

I Have Found Goodness

Here, ladies and gentlemen, on this very blog, is proof that God exists and favors me.
Okay perhaps I'm guilty of hyperbole here. But nevertheless, I am happy to discover this dangerously sugary food.

I can hear the speeches from Jaime now, about being sick and sugar lowering my immune response etc. And I defy my immune system! If you'd deny me these lemur treats, you are not a part of me! If thine lymphocyte offends thee, pluck it out!

(With, I dunno. An electron microscope and syringe? Maybe?)

Winter Hits Us... Not Nice, Winter!

The snow has made it Christmastime, as Viri points out. We had a good day today, even though I can't talk. (Perhaps especially because I can't talk, some might say...) I'm hoping my voice will return soon. I really enjoy talking.

It snowed here last night, and Viri got to go outside with Mama and see it.

The snow reminds me of being back east. I miss the snow, sometimes, although on a day like today when I don't feel well I'm glad it is a rarity around here.

Now we have a few weeks of pleasant work coming up. We're getting the house in order, preparing for the holidays. We're hoping to have a nice Christmas dinner here with friends. We may set up a Christmas tree, although we're concerned the kids may be too young yet. Viri is all for it, he wants a tree in his house.

Then Arkaedi's birthday. I don't think there'll be any big celebration, but her first birthday still warrants some notice. I can't believe that she is almost one already. As cliche as it is, the time really does fly with the little ones.

I'm going to lie back and enjoy the fact that I don't have to rush out the door in a moment.

Holidays Begin

We're back from our little excursion to the penisula. It was a very pleasant trip, even though I now have no voice after wandering the cold streets of Poulsbo. Taviri got to see a new place and ride the ferry, which he was excited to do. Although he argued with me for hours about whether or not a car could board the ferry. I explained to him that it was okay, but he was not convinced. When we finally did board the ferry, he acquiesced. "Oh, the boat is a car friend!" I guess I just didn't explain it in a way that made sense to a three year old.


Poulsbo is an interesting place. Touristy, and Norwegian. I'm glad I've seen it, now I'll think of a nice walkable downtown rather than that horrible commercial for Poulsbo RV.

There was a Christmas Caroling competition going on while we were there, and it was snowing. It made for a really wonderful atmosphere, though the children were appalled at the cold. We have definitely raised temperature controlled babies. Anything above 75 and below 45 is strange and bewildering.

Today we're resting, and I'm trying to get my voice back. Hopefully Jaime will get me back on track and we'll enjoy the holiday season to its fullest.

Music Comp for Christmas, Marriage Vows for Xmas, Wisdom for Boxing Day

I just got the most awesome gift, a compilation of music from the mighty herc that has twenty five of my thirty current favorite songs. Among the amazing songs are They Might Be Giants doing a (typically) sweet and funny song, a cover of "New York City," An old Less Than Jake song from the Grease soundtrack, and Bruce Springsteen doing a classic rocking "Mountain of Love." Springsteen has an ability to be sincere that blows my mind. Even when you know he's just messing around knocking off a song in his studio, you get the idea that he's unemployed writing on the bathroom wall of some tavern in Hackensack. I don't know how he does it.

It got J and I talking about doing a similar love song comp for Valentine's day, to send to friends.

Which got us on marriage. One of my failings, one that I'll admit to, is a tendency to think of the world in terms of abstractions and avoid real world complications, which are not easily evaluated on an intellectual plane. This is a common "smart" person problem. I'm aware this could sound a little odd, and I hope I say what I say with humility: not meaning I am wise or anything but the ability to process information and apply it often creates a bias towards modeling and away from practical experience. In reality, problems as variable as love and children and national economic crises are very large and complex. Not easily modeled and therefore in danger of oversimplification by pretty much everyone. I certainly do it. But I also feel that I have a nice marriage, and some of the things I've learned could be useful to people trying to make a go of a relationship.

I thought a lot about that this week, a I was sick and J was working on finals and our life seemed insane for a few days. We set aside everything we could and just plowed through, checking in with each other, asking for and giving help...It reminded me of one thing we've always talked about as a strength: We aren't going to let any little things (even careers or money) push aside the commitment we've made to each other. I may not succeed at much, but in fifteen years I have succeeded at trying to grow as a person, admit mistakes, and share with Jaime. She jokes that I couldn't lie to her if I wanted; and I find it a little amazing that I never have. Well, I try and say it wasn't me who gave Viri cupcakes at 7pm, but she doesn't buy it. I may be wrong, but searching my memory, I think the last time I even avoided telling her something I thought was important was in high school. Spouses have aspects of themselves they don't talk about, sure. But if I think it impacts J or the kids I say.

This tendency to focus on the deeper issues is something I don't hear a lot about from my friends and coworkers. I worry that people today get together for superficial reasons: I like this band, She looks punk rock, She shares my taste in art. These are fun things, but they don't make a relationship for life. That comes when you say, "I love you. Our love means something. I will do anything to help you fulfill your life, including improving myself and sacrificing for you."

Paraphrasing from my Christian comrades, faith, hope and love abide in the world. The greatest of these is Love.

Careening Towards Holiday

Much in the way an out of control car on ice moves towards a snowdrift, we are headed for the winter break. I'm recovering from illness, Jaime is sick, poor Arkaedi Sue has a diaper rash that should logically blast holes in her onesie... We need this break.

I did have a nice day today, back at work after a day coughing in bed. Busy, as any roomful of toddlers is busy, but nice. I say again that working with kids is balm for my spirit. J said today I like working with kids because they have the potential to be the good people I think everyone is. I think that works out to a slam on me. But a mind like her cynical pragmatic one would never come up with baby olympics!

Arkaedi did pretty well at the double chair. Viri kept tackling her during her futon routine, so I'm not sure who won.

She definitely gets a gold in the putting cars in papa's tea event. Three times she did it! With me trying to stop her even...

Seattle Center Fun

I dragged my ill and weak self down to the diy craft fair down at Seattle Center.

There is a Winter Train that Viri was just nuts to explore. Arkaedi was less enthusiastic, but she can't run loops around a giant train set like Viri can. She waved her hands and said "PAPA PAPA!" which is her standard behavior. The capitalization of "Winter Train" weirds me out a little too. Like it has ties to Faerie. I'm really hoping Viri chooses a simpler line of work than Winter Knight. But knowing him, I doubt it. I'm already warning him about making deals with beautiful people. Hopefully it sticks.

The problem I now face is the exertion made me more sick. Now I am lying in bed feeling awful. At least I have a few weeks off work starting next week! I need it to start... today.

The Ultimate Showdown

I enjoyed this way more than I should have.