Occupy Away!

Old Jaded Jack

The whole occupation of Wall Street thing is making me sad. It reminds me of my age, my anger levels, and my own inability to have any faith anymore that people can turn things around.

Not that I believe that they can't, either. That would almost be easier. Nihilism would be a welcome escape, and escape is one option that I never choose. It's just that I no longer have the passionate belief that people will create a better society that I once had. I'm not sure where exactly that belief went; but I'd like it back.

Jack Kerouac became a bitter old man rather quickly after becoming famous. He avoided or rejected many of his old friends, and took to drinking and spouting conservative rhetoric instead of traveling and writing. Everything that fueled his earlier creative impulses seemed lost. He chose the escapist route. Or perhaps he just fell into it. Alcohol chose it for him.

I'm not that person. I'm not jaded. I'm still essentially a positive person. But my positivity has become focused. Instead of the broad, sweeping romanticism of my youth it's a scalpel of positive energy. I'm positive about my daily interactions. I'm enthusiastic about individuals in a way that the jaded Jacks of the world don't seem to be.

To cite an example: As I was walking through the store today, my mind was on a series of frustrations. I was angry and sad. And a woman cut me off, pulling her cart in front of me and stopping in confusion. She was an old woman, and I smiled at her. As much as the world in general was bothering me, I had nothing but affection for the face of this old woman standing in front of me. In a broad sense, I was upset at humanity. But this specific woman, how could I be mad at her? She was just an old lady trying to get her Sunday shopping done.

That's how I feel about the protests. I'm irritated by their futility, in the grand scheme. But you, individual protester- when I see your photo, I smile. I like you. I can't extrapolate that feeling to the broad movement, or our future as a species. But I can hope you turn out okay. I hope I don't become too jaded for that.

Wait Can I Do That?

Between a high, solid wall and an egg that breaks against it, I will always stand on the side of the egg.

-Haruki Murakami

There's often a debate that takes place between opposing viewpoints that goes something like this. One person supports an aspect of government policy. They argue for it. Another disagrees, and argues against it. Sometimes, the other person will be accused of hating America for opposing a government policy or two. Usually a conservative person accuses a liberal person of hating America. I'm not sure why this is; it seems like opposing health care reform could be hating America as easily as opposing a military action, but whatever. That's the way it goes. I don't especially care. Because I think I really do hate America.

Am I allowed to do that? I think I might be.

Of course I don't hate people. Or the land. I like the forests and the mountains. Right now there is a foot or so of snow on my lawn, and I am quite fond of the snow. American snow. But I hate the government. I really do. I want to like it. I want to like roads and water pipes and schools. I think they're great. But I have to hate them, because they are all jumbled up with laws and customs and habits that don't work for me. It's a shame. It seems like roads and water pipes and schools could really work together to make a natural space suited to human habitation. I guess it doesn't work out that way in practice.

There has been a lot of talk in the wake of the Tucson shooting about civil discourse. I don't think that's such a good idea. Discourse isn't going to make any of the pieces of this country work together. We probably should just disband. There's a way to divide up the infrastructure that still survives, right? Maybe our zoning committees could become unzoning committees, and we could have an orderly division into millions of separate households with no legal obligation to each other.

It means all those conservatives who said I hate America are right. Of course, they hate America too. We just focused on slightly different parts that we hate. Some of what we hate overlaps. That's nice, even if it's inconvenient for the dividing up part. Maybe the unzoning committees have a solution for that.

It makes the entire United States experiment a somewhat philosophical enterprise. We are a group of disparate individuals who tried to get together based on our uniqueness. Very meta. But not terribly sustainable. Oh well.

I wish we could get together and make a country. I'm not sure how that would look. I think a country might include education, health care, roads and hospitals. A nice transportation system. An energy grid that balances need and waste. That sounds fun. Too bad. We could have tried that. If we didn't hate America.

Promises, Promises

I've been reading some interesting historical essays about Puritans lately. Seriously. I have been doing that.

It really explains a lot about America, in both good and bad ways. I have such a hard time expressing my feelings about this country, in a large part because any complaint about the United States gets translated into "I hate all good things," and you're forced to go on the run from lynch mobs on the one side, and joining a hippie pot protest on the other. (Okay, not really. But it feels like that sometimes.)

The Puritans, the original Massachusetts ones, were perfect examples of everything good and bad about this country. Perhaps, as some of my recent reading suggests, that is precisely because they have become these traits, the same ideas are being passed on, and we live in a flux between the ideals of Puritanism and opposing forces. I don't know, and I don't presume to guess. I'm not a historian, or an expert on the time period. But there is no denying that we see some of the same frustrations today, the polarization and the pathological individualism, that plagued the founding of the country.

The Puritans were not bad people, despite later attempts to paint them as such. They were idealistic, community minded, determined. These can be nice traits. When you look at the English colonial exploits in America and compare it to the Spanish and French, the Puritans look pretty good. They were less violent, more self governed, more interested in building their own society than simply filling the coffers of the church or crown. They weren't benevolent, especially by our 21st century standards, but they weren't that bad.

They believed in working hard, giving to the community. They opposed tributes to the crown, but not paying to keep the community afloat. I don't understand when modern people mean when they don't want to pay taxes or have health care. Isn't in our best interests if we do love our country that a certain, bare minimum level of public well being is achieved? We can argue particulars, of course, but do we have to argue the value of supporting each other and our own people?

The Puritans typified the ironic hypocrisy that frustrates so many Americans today; they were for religious freedom, and genuinely pursued that goal, while slowly growing more intolerant. They sought community, and founded solid social systems, while excluding everyone who didn't fit a narrow set of boundaries. It's the same strange paradox that we struggle to overcome today. "Love your country, dammit, but don't do anything that may have any slight social or cultural significance! That's UN-American!"

I want to love my country. In some ways, I really do. I mean I love a lot of the people. I love bluegrass and jazz. I love the land, and the beauty. I identify with the early Puritans, pushing away from England and looking for a new community of peers, spiritual and social. They turned to narrow doctrine and empty words before years had passed, and that has happened in a large part with the entire promise of America.

I'm an optimist. That doesn't mean I think everything is always great, or will be. But it does mean that I hold out hope that with intelligence and compassion, hard work and sincerity, it is possible for good things to happen. I don't know if I can wait for the promise of America to be met, but I'm willing to give it some time. I'm not totally closing the book on the country, despite the legacy of small minded people working against the best interests of the country. I'm also not sure, however, I can stand to read every page of the next few decades. Maybe I can cheat and skip to the denouement.

Oh wait, denouements are un-American. Damn.

Father Of An Agent And Patriotic Day

It's the holiday of holidays in America. The Fourth. The day to celebrate all things USA. I tend to skip it. Unless there is pie; I'll show up for pie.

As I have documented here, I am in the middle on a lot of issues. Not a moderate, but interested in all sides, that's me. The one place I am probably far to the "left," much as I dislike the term, is jingoism. I do not support a country, any country, for the same reason that I do not support a political party: I don't accept that others who think differently, act differently, or speak differently are in any way inferior to me.

That said, I do LIKE it here. I live here. My parents were born here, as well as my kids. It's a lovely place. There are some good people, some nice places to live. I just don't really feel the need to go nuts expressing things I like about the States, especially at the expense of others. I certainly don't want any of my likes or dislikes to get caught up with issues like military might and imperialistic financial systems. It's a far cry from "the Cascades are pretty" to "bomb Iran," in other words, and I'd prefer to just be left out of the whole discussion.

Because the one thing I do actively hate about America is our violence. This is a country that fetishizes and relishes violent spectacle. We love it. When people ask me what I liked most about Japan when I lived there, I usually talk about the transportation system, which is great. But the honest answer is that I liked how peaceful, in general, the people were. No one was ever going to resort to violence to solve mundane problems, and I liked that. As a person who loves people, and wants the best for them, seeing how easily we rely on violence in this country, how much we seem to enjoy violence, sickens me.

I'm not a complete pacifist. I admire those who are. I would even admit that they are probably better people than me. But though I would never swear to refrain from any violent activity, I don't think it's good. I don't think it's nice, and certainly I would never say it's fun. It may be, may possibly be, necessary, at times. But it's awful that it is.

I wonder what I am teaching my kids about violence. I wonder if I can even shape their opinions. Viri, yesterday, was walking past a police car. He pointed at it, and asked if it was a police car. I said yeah. I wasn't really paying attention, this is a big city, police are everywhere. He pulled me around to face the car, and said very seriously: "Thank them, Papa! Thank them for the hard work they do!" I laughed, and it was funny. But I wonder what conversations are in store for us. What will Viri's attitude towards these institutions be? It almost makes me want to move somewhere else. If it is his nature, however, there is no where that would really matter. I guess what I can do is teach him, steer his ideas, and accept who he will become. I definitely don't want him to grow up to be a carbon copy of me. The opposite of me is fairly scary, too. I hope he finds kindness and wisdom, and is a good Taviri. I hope this country, the good, the bad and the ugly, is a pathway to that. Happy Fourth, I guess. Don't hurt anyone today, America.

My Gut Says Maybe

I'm one of nature's mediators. I have strong opinions, I guess, though I tend to mostly state them for comic effect. So, I have strong opinions that are silly. Or, I feel self conscious about the opinions and state them comically. Either way, this puts me in the position of being in the middle. I'm not fond of extreme ideas and opinions, especially about what other people should do or think. I like leaving people alone to think up things. I don't hate anyone, for being different, or for supporting this or that. I can see both sides of issues, and tend to fall in the middle. This is a strange and unpopular position. I don't even like it myself. But, naturally, I can see why I end up there.

Political stuff usually puts me in the most hot water, if I let myself get drawn into discussions. Mostly I don't. But if I do, the person invariably starts talking about how the Democrats are tax and spend maniacs looking to control our minds with government funding. And the Republicans are gun toting redneck racists. I smile and nod, because I can see where people get all of these ideas. At the same time, I can also see that I like roads and schools, so I don't mind taxes. (Of course it was Republican Oliver Wendell Holmes who said you buy civilization with taxes, which I appreciate.) And I don't think you can legislate morality and want people to leave me alone, so I see why people vote Republican. I'm frightened of the libertarians, and almost as confused by the socialists as they themselves seem to be. I don't hate and fear the government, but I don't put too much faith in it either. I'm an Ursula LeGuin anarchist, meaning I appreciate the theoretical basis and the principals of mutual aid, and remain skeptical of politicians.

I don't find many who are natural mediators. Actually, when I have dared this conversation with people, I usually get the response, "Oh that means you are [whatever I am]!" I don't like that, because it is partly true, but it is mostly false. Sure, it does mean I can see how people arrive at their conclusions, and I'm interested in why they think what they think. But I don't support their point of view. I don't think what they think in important ways. To paraphrase Homer Simpson, I do not wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

This is why I avoid the conversation. I like that there are all kinds of people in the world. I like the tapestry, the warp and weave of the universe. I don't want people to be punished for anything they are or think, and too many belief systems come down to a limitation of imagination. The universe is here. It is real, it exists. It doesn't need your support or belief, and it is perfect. I don't mean this in a hippie "there's no right or wrong dude!" way, because that is a poor way to run a society. There are ways to harm people, to make life miserable, and we need to stand up to people trying to promulgate hate and evil. But people just living their lives, being basically decent neighbors, don't need to think like you. Listening to each other can have great benefits, and other ways of approaching situations can help us approach our own. That's what I'm saying.

See? I'm mediating again. I can't help it.

Don't Panic: 2009

If you're like me, and you listen to a lot of radio commentary on the economic crisis and the wars, etc, then you get pretty depressed after a bit. I mean, we all knew this crazy capitalist bubble economy was going down, but to see it happening, especially when you have a family to support, is a little intense. Going to the government website about the problem doesn't help, either. Although, spiffy logo there guys!

What does help me is this photo. Whatever happens, Mr. President, thank you for making us laugh about global economic collapse. This almost makes up for the millions of racist and stupid photoshopped non-jokes out there, America. You were this close to getting disbanded by the other, good countries, then you go and do something awesome like this. I can't stay mad at you. USA! USA! USA!

I've Failed At This, Let's Protest It!

I'm not a terribly opinionated person these days. That is a change in me from my punk rock roots.

This isn't to say that I don't have opinions, because of course I do. But the fiery, I'm right and you're stupid brand of egotism that sometimes reared its head in me as a punk rocker are less of an issue with me now. One reason is the realization that I'm not always right, and there may be ways of approaching issues differently that are effective. And the ongoing ridiculousness of punk rock is another.

I've always enjoyed the punk scene, the various bands and groups that have passed through my life. I feel like I've learned a lot from being involved, and I'll always be glad that I was. But I needed a small group of dedicated and fun people, which I got in the contained scenes in which I was involved. The punk scene was what me and my friends were doing, not a movement or a subculture or a music magazine. Most of my friends were a part of it, we did most of the work and had most of the fun, and everyone knew everyone else. Often more intimately than was sensible or hygienic. Anytime I ventured into the broader subculture, I was appalled and annoyed. I didn't get the flag waving, the fashion silliness, the divisions. (Apparently neither did anyone else: indie rock became emo, hardcore became metal. People ask me what my band sounded like and I throw up my hands and scream, "I don't know!")

Punk rock was the protest of my friends, and in a small way maybe the protest of my generation. The bands we liked did songs about sexism, capitalism, and gender identity. But somewhere the political expressions of a small group of sincere, silly kids became something like a movement. It crossed paths with the evil hydra of political protest, and went careening into hell.

One large reason for this is that people fall into these little offshoots of pop culture when they don't do a very good job of fitting into the broader society. Some people form a critique of aspects of their social structure, and decide it isn't for them. Some simply fail their way into whatever group is too nice or open to kick them out. As is pointed out to my hero Homer Simpson, in any other country they would have starved to death long ago.

So, the reason for this train of thought: I was approached by a gaggle of punk rockers at the bus stop as I was trying to get my kids moving. They asked me for money for the bus. I'm a nice guy, I had a few quarters, so I gave it to them. I wanted to point out, though, that it isn't anti-capitalist to beg money for the bus from guys who have kids, based on the assumption that they are not poor like you. It's just that I am doing the capitalist slaving for them. So instead of wasting their precious time being enslaved to the man, my enslavement to the man allows them to ride the bus in addition to allowing my kids to eat. (Technically, I work for myself, kinda. So the man referred to is me. But still.)

I knew a ton of these people when I was more involved with the political world. They lived off of food stamps or disability, and spent their days railing against the system and trying to pick up college girls. Which is fine. (MORE than fine.) But once you fail severely at being a part of the system, you lose credibility when you attack it. I always liked the former big shot businessman who quits and works as an organizer. All six or seven of them that have ever existed.

We need people to challenge the problems of this society. But we need sincerity and self awareness from these people in order for anything real to happen. I see so little of that that I cannot be involved in any way with people that, ostensibly, I agree with. Which says something unfortunate about the state of activism today, or about Americans today.

One big problem is the romanticism of the movement. People protest wars and injustice as though there is something good in it. There isn't. I would very much like it if there were no problems, and no protests. That is the ideal state of being. If things are bad enough that we must do something about it, that isn't nice: it's merely necessary. You almost get the sense that these people are happy that problems exist, so they can protest and fight. I am against unregulated business polluting our environment and paying us crap because that is bad for us. I'm not happy to be against it. It isn't good that we have to even have the conversation! When it becomes a lifestyle, we're in a weird area.

I feel about political awareness the same way I do about violence. I don't like it, I wish it didn't exist, but I do my duty to my friends and family if I am threatened. Choosing to ignore it and fetishizing it are both poor options, to my mind.

(PS Edit: I have corrected a million things in this post, any more typos just have to be accepted. Or protested!)

You Have To Do A Better Job

Seriously, say what you want about President-elect Obama... this is a pretty low bar.