Drive Towards Motion and the Wackiness of Weeks

Single Fun! 

Today was a nice morning. Exhausting, but in a good way. I took the kids for an extended downtown Ithaca sojourn, picked up a few good records (first Queen! R.E.M. single!) I'm quickly discovering that Angry Mom Records is one of my new favorite places.

Generally, I spent some kid time on a sunny summer day having fun. I needed a walk and a romp through some playgrounds to clear my head. We've been having a crazy week. Nothing spectacular, of course. But sometimes the little crazies can bond together to create an amalgam of wackiness that needs to be addressed. This week was filled with those little sticky blobs of wacky. (Sticky Blobs of Wacky, by the way, is a terrible name for a restaurant.) (Buffet the Appetite Slayer is a great name for a restaurant.)

After the busy morning, I've spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning, listening to music, and thinking about next steps.

This year is all about evaluating those next steps, and deciding where to go next as a family. In two key ways: we want to understand where we can live and settle down, and what our next steps are in terms of career. (Jaime and I, that is. The kids are busy being kids. Although Viri has career on his mind as much as we do, at this point.) (Arkaedi, however: "I'm just having fun!")

It looks like we're headed back to the NW next year. At this point I can't imagine anything else, and nothing here is really tempting in the long term. It was a fun experiment- good for us, especially me. I needed this time back east, back in a small town. But I've learned what I needed to learn, and I'm ready for the return journey. I wouldn't be a good hobbit without a There and Back Again story. And I am nothing if not a good hobbit.

The kids are too young to really have input into a decision like moving. But it's funny to see what they have to say. Both of them are excited to live somewhere with animals and zoos. They don't remember Seattle, really. They are the most important factor in the discussion, however. Soon they'll be too old to be comfortable uprooting and transplanting. They already have friends and connections here, relationships that make moving complex. J and I are more mobile. In part because our best friends are people we stay in touch with regardless, and in part because we chose a life of rambling the moment we moved to Japan in 2000. Maybe earlier- leaving our tight circle of friends in 1998 for college in Japan was a major step. We knew once we made that choice that our world would never be as small and cozy again. And we're okay with that.

There are some factors to consider that may shape the decision. We're always on the lookout for a new country to explore. Viri especially is excited to try Australia, and I'm never one to totally rule out A) foreign adventure or B) Viri's ideas. (Seriously, every day that boy is growing more powerful. "Join me, Arkaedi. Together we can overthrow the Papa and rule the galaxy as Pretty and Bubba!") But barring some wonderfully insane stroke of crazy, we'll be headed back to the NW. Either Portland or Seattle, or an outlying town near enough to one of those. Maybe even Olympia, if we're feeling nutty.

Stages, Steps, Shifts...Something With an "S"

"AND study the classic books,
the straight history
all of it candid."
-E. Pound

Contrary to Pound's excellent advice, I've never been one for sustained scholarship. In fact, I've been quite critical of it, disappointed in some of the menial places it leads writing and thinking. I'm often wrong about that, and miss some great writing and thinking. I can't help but keep up the criticism, however: I think it's a general trend towards movement in my personality.

Wait, I can explain that vague comment.

I was always driven to move, to expand. I have always had a hard time staying in one place, one program... even one country. I see everything in my life as stages towards the next event. This is due to some good reasons (desire to explore, intellectual curiosity, passion for various subjects and geographies) and some bad ones (need for stimuli, tendency towards boredom, an at times critical nature). I didn't, to continue the literary metaphor that Pound used, always desire the candid and historical nature of what I was experiencing. I needed to move on, expand, see the next horizon.

Jaime and I are fond of the mental exercise where you imagine that you've won the lottery. Say you have millions of dollars. What would you do? There are several ways to play this, but Jaime and I focus on two aspects. One: Imagine you have millions, and want to use that millions to live. Two: Imagine that you have millions to live on, and you think of what you would do with your free time.

I like the second one, because it is a better exercise for planning what to do with your life. What would you spend your time doing? This works well for Jaime and I, since we're people who like to work. I guess if my goal was to lay around all day, the exercise would be a failure. But I really want to work, to do something. So, what would I do?

I would teach. I would write poetry. But most of all, I'd travel. I'd spend time going all over the world. I'd find a school in India that let me teach, a school in Japan, Brazil... I'd move. I'm not driven by money. I care nothing for money. But it'd be nice to have the freedom to move around.

So, this week I am working on applying for jobs, finding some places to teach. Maybe here, maybe somewhere else. I don't really care where. Because what I want to do is teach, write my poems, and move around. Staying in one place for years is torturous tome, for all of those good and bad reasons.

Vectors and Luck

I spent the weekend ill. It was lucky, in a sense, because I have a very busy week next week and I cannot afford to be sick then. I'd much rather be sick now. I'm not quite sure how I got sick, since I haven't been exposed to the little vectors yet. But there it is. Like I said, lucky for me it happened now. I'm even feeling a little better today. Thanks to listening to Dr. J and getting some rest. (Not Jaime. Julius Erving. I always call him when I feel under the weather. He's a great help.)

Seriously it really reminds me how blessed I am to have Jaime's help, though. I could never accomplish anything without her help. The kids are so young, and it's a great challenge to keep them under control. I have an awesome family. Thanks to Jaime.
(If only we looked this good...)

Hopefully I'll feel much better this week and I can get into the classroom and do my work. I love the prospect of being in the classroom and working with the kids. It's an amazing chance to do what I want to do with my life. I'm happy to be taking these steps. I'm grateful to Jaime for the opportunity. Even my own little disease vectors, Captain and Crimson Death, are really excited and supportive. It'll be interesting to see what they have to say in ten years about my career. Or twenty.

Now it's time for more rest. More vitamin C. Maybe I'll check in again with Dr. J, see if he has any more advice. I bet it'll involve a foul line dunk. Everything does with him.

It's A Christmas Week Celebration

We've had a fun week of Christmas celebration here, beginning with a trip to Seattle Center to see the winter village with the mighty Herc. It was a good time, and Viri ran spazzing into the chilly afternoon. As he is wont to do. To be honest, the standard money and career and parenting frustrations had been building for a few weeks, and I was really not looking forward to the season. I've been avoiding it fairly successfully. But, the sight of the festive families and my kids running and playing cheered me up, and I shifted into holiday gear.

Jaime takes the twelve days of Christmas idea very seriously. The twelve days represent the months, and you are supposed to treat them as a microcosm of the coming year. Christmas eve is the last day of advent, a day off, so to speak, and Christmas day begins the twelve days. We're very sincerely trying to make these days good, and prepare ourselves for the enxt year. It will have it's trials and tribulations, certainly. The next year for us is very up in the air. Which can be good or bad; hence the preparing. I'm setting the foundation for a great year for our family, in my attitude and behavior.

Today we took a vacation day. We drove out to the little Bavaria of western Washington, Leavenworth. It is a really fun and odd little town. It really reminded us of the touristy type places in Switzerland. (A lot of people in Seattle mock it for being a tourist destination or not actually being Bavaria. Which is ridiculous; sure it's touristy. But being "German" in a fun way isn't any sillier than being a French restaurant or Japanese karaoke place. It's just a theme. Pull the stick out, city of Seattle, and relax.) It's a neat place, and the kids just loved it. Viri went sledding, we looked at bizarre German knick knacks, and got keychains with our family crests! (Barkers have lions and gryphons! We're awesome.)

The kids were perfect, which was a pleasant change from the earlier part of the week. I think the mood was affecting them. I know Viri especially was sensitive to how irate I have been. So, I made an effort to relax and have fun, and Jaime and I joked and laughed, and the kids just fell right into step. We had an amazing family outing. The high point for me was watching Viri dive headfirst down the hill on his sled. He was a berserker today, and I think it really opened him up. With the weather being chilly and wet, he hasn't gotten enough outside time. He is an outside boy; he behaves so much better when he can run and scream and go crazy.

Tomorrow is a day to get things in order, and take some personal time. I'm going to the gym, cleaning the car, and clearing my head for the twelve days of Christmas. I think it will do me good to take it pretty seriously this year as well. I want good things for the family in the coming year. And today I was reminded that good things aren't luck. They happen when you take a breath, open your heart, and have fun with the people you love. In my experience there's no such thing as luck.*



*That's in the Bible, right?

Cougar Mountain

We had a much needed family fun day today. We hiked around Cougar Mountain. It's awesome, and has an amazing view of Lake Sammamish. The kids walked around. (Arkaedi Sue: "Walk? Walk? Walk? Outside? Outside? Outside?" ad infinitum)

I love our family days. We haven't gotten so many lately, for various reasons. Mostly NPLEX board related. That is down to the last few weeks though, so once Jaime passes, life will get way more fun. Or funner. If you like the sound of that better.

Cougar Mountain is a place that makes me wish my dad lived here. It's totally his kind of place, a huge park, woods, views of the mountains and the lake. We could easily spend days hiking there, checking out the animals and the birds. There are pine martens and muskrats as well as cougars and bears! (Mostly pine martens and muskrats. Still...pretty great.) I was interested in the variety of birds we could see and hear. I have to get him out here so we can check it out. My dad would really enjoy my old man hobbies. My kids already think I'm crazy.

They did like the woods though. They got a little tired, hiking on the mountain paths. (Viri: "Can we go home? It's really steep.") But they had fun, and were sound asleep by the time we drove back home. We made a slight detour to South 47 Farm, and J picked a bunch of fresh herbs. I still smell basil and lavender. Which is great. In fact, here is some lavender. Just smell the screen. Mmmm.

Hierarchy Of The Barker Clan

I'm at the bottom of the chain of command of our family. I realized this the moment Viri was born. I thought, possibly, that I could move up to second to last when the next kid came, but that was obviously ridiculous. I'm still at the bottom. It currently goes like this:

Dr. Jaime, Commander-in-Chief. The undisputed leader.

Viri, Generalissimo. In his words, he is Commander of Earth (where my house lives) and West Virginia, Seattle, and California (which is fun-fun.)

Arkaedi Sue. Pretty Princess and Head of State. All power really rests with J, and Pretty is the figurehead. But she pouts if you tell her that. And shouts for General Bubba, aka Viri.

Ryan. Assistant Janitor Trainee (Probationary)

I don't foresee any changes to the command structure in my lifetime. Actually, I'd better hold off having kids, because I can only go down. At least now I am fourth, which sounds better than last. If it were the Presidential order of succession, I'd be Secretary of State Hillary Clinton!

(And speaking of that: WV Senator Byrd is third in line now. Wow. I really don't think I'd trust any of us WVians as President. But, hey, good for Byrd. He must be 137 years old.)

This has been an insane week for our family though. Busy, and rushed. We are all anxious for Jaime to be graduated. It's under a month away! I will heave a huge sigh of relief. Then get on to my next chapter of Waiting for Jaime.

Prop 8 Fallout

You know the world is crazy when I link to some mainstream talking head. But I can't get over this vote. I DO have a personal stake in this-- and I have even wondered about the legal institution of marriage for everyone myself. To me it didn't seem like a legal concern at one point. But that was before I had kids, and began to think about the consequences of illness and long term health problems of loved ones. We need a society in which people are prepared to care for their loved ones as best as possible, and have according rights.

I am sickened by the conservatives who make hate an issue of family. I hear people who are divorced, who don't take care of their families themselves weighing in on this. It's sad and alarming. Apparently you can be a divorced drug addict conservative and talk to me about family values. As someone who has been married almost fifteen years, I think there is a lot of weight to my statement that a family is about love and mutual support, not the genitals of the people involved. It's awful that some people who think of themselves as understanding the spirit think of the world in such concrete and materialist terms. But that's the US; material first, immature ideological ranting in place of the spiritual.

Hopefully people eventually grow up and my daughter and son can live in a world that cares less about what the genetic makeup of their dance partner is and more about how much they love and are loved in return.